


Daffodils and Dandelions

by orphan_account



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Mental Illness, Mixed POV, Slow Burn, i've kinda lost my motivation for this sorry :(, it's about the longing..., mention of suicide, references Ray's route but takes place in Seven's
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-02
Updated: 2020-08-22
Packaged: 2021-03-05 20:27:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,356
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25661329
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: It made your heartache to think about the experiences that contributed to these feelings of his. The experiences that traumatized him and convinced him not to trust anyone. But how could you blame him? You wanted to reach out, to just pull him into a hug and say everything would be okay. But he needed space. He needed time to process everything.
Relationships: Choi Saeran/Main Character, Choi Saeran/Reader, Saeyoung Choi/MC (one sided)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 44





	1. New Beginnings

**Author's Note:**

> For the moment I don't see myself continuing this. Sorry guys.

It had been a little over two months since Saeran was checked into the mental hospital after being rescued from Mint Eye. As per Saeyoung’s suggestion, you had decided to give him some time before trying to re-introduce yourself. He’d been through a lot and while it didn’t seem like he necessarily hated you, you took the side of his brother which seemed to be a cardinal sin in his eyes.

The day had finally come where you worked up the courage to visit him. Saeyoung had told you he liked flowers as a child, and you hoped that was still the case. And even if it wasn’t it was common courtesy to bring someone in the hospital flowers. You held them gently in your arms as you made your way to his room. The nurse had warned you that he can be violent and lash out easily, but you felt like you needed to go see him, to let him know that people care about if he’s okay. If he couldn’t accept Saeyoung’s concerns for him maybe he could accept yours? You hope so.

You cracked open the door, seeing him laid on his side with his back to you and staring out the window. He didn’t even bother turning to look who had entered the room or to even say anything at all. Clutching the flowers to your chest you worked up the courage to speak.

“Saeran…? Its uh- it’s me. I hope you don’t mind me visiting you… but I wanted to come see you.” You said, looking for any reaction. Instead, you were met with silence.

“Um… I brought you these flowers. I thought it was beautiful, so I hope you like it.”

Nothing. You weren’t sure what you were expecting when coming to visit him. You didn’t expect him to be glad you came to visit, but you figured he would give you something to work with. Even telling you to fuck off would be productive in getting a conversation started but instead, he laid there unresponsive.

“You don’t have to say anything to me, I’m okay with that. I’ll just sit here with you for a while.” You stated, squatting down to take a seat in the chair next to the door before you heard an almost inaudible whisper.

“Get out.”

“What?” You respond, unable to make out what he was saying.

“Get. Out.” He spat, enunciating the two words as best as he could.

You paused. You want to help him and show him that there are people who are there for him but at the same time, you didn’t want to push and pressure him. Too much too soon could make him feel smothered and he might react negatively.

“Saeran I- “

“GET OUT!” he yelled, finally turning to face you. 

You were stunned, standing there like a deer in the headlights, not having time to fully process what’s happening. His eyes were filled with both fear and rage as they bore into you. It made your heartache to think about the experiences that contributed to these feelings of his. The experiences that traumatized him and convinced him not to trust anyone. But how could you blame him? You wanted to reach out, to just pull him into a hug and say everything would be okay. But he needed space. He needed time to process everything. He was obviously very conflicted about both his brother and Rika and didn’t know what to believe anymore.

“DIDN’T YOU HEAR ME? GET OUT! I DON’T WANT YOU OR ANY OF THEM HERE! LEAVE!” He shouted, frantically pointing towards the door, his hand trembling. 

When you finally came back to your senses you nodded setting the flowers on the bedside table and heading to leave before pausing in the door frame.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to disturb you.” You said quietly before leaving. More than anything you wanted your feelings to reach him. You felt drawn to him after learning what he had been through. You wanted to help him and give him hope in the world, hope in his brother, and hope in himself.

His eyes followed you until he could no longer see you anymore and he went to lay back down but paused when he noticed the flowers on the table. Daffodils. He furrowed his brows, what was this? Some sort of cruel joke? Did Saeyoung think some flowers would make up for the years of abandonment and torture? That he would suddenly be the little boy he knew back then? Never. He would never be that weakling ever again. He was strong now, so strong he didn’t need his brother, so strong he had vowed to kill his brother for abandoning him. At one point he was determined to do so. He imagined the feeling of choking the life out of him. The feeling of his brother’s pulse slowing against his fingers as he squeezed his neck. He would be able to reclaim his other half and become whole once his treacherous twin was gone from this world. He wanted to become whole for just a moment before joining him. They were destined to be halves since birth and no matter how strong he had become he could never survive as a whole person. 

Though Saeran had been convinced that death was the path to salvation there was still a part of him that felt sick at the idea of killing his brother. The weakling within him that he sought to destroy along with his brother. Rika had promised this was the right way, that killing him was right and just. She told him she would never leave him no matter how much he slipped up along the way. Yet here he sat. Alone and Rika had seemingly vanished into thin air. He didn’t know what to think anymore. When he saw Saeyoung stand up for him in Mint Eye he figured it was a ploy to further hurt him, but after watching Rika unravel in front of him and go against everything she had told him by caring for V he didn’t know what to think. 

What were you trying to do by coming to visit him? Trick him? Betray him? Sink him even further into the pit of despair he had come to know as his life? He didn’t need you and he sure as hell didn’t need Saeyoung. He just wanted to be alone. He was fully aware he was a lost cause. He wished he was brought into this world as a weed instead. Weeds could survive being trampled and kicked aside. Weeds could grow strong without anyone or anything’s help. If he was a weed he could just stare into the sky and just admire the clouds for the rest of his life. No sense of abandonment or betrayal, just resilience and warmth.

He glanced back over to the daffodils you had set on the table, scoffing at the suggestion behind it.

“New beginnings? …yeah right.”


	2. I Want to Believe You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the kudos so far. I hope you'll continue to like this.

After Saeran’s outburst the first time you had gone to visit him, you had tried to visit him a couple more times only to be turned away by nurses after he pressed the call button. You decided to wait a couple of weeks before trying again, maybe he just needed a bit of time to himself. You decided to knock on the door before entering this time. It was his room, after all, maybe if you were more respectful of his boundaries he wouldn’t mind you being there. He looked over at you, surprised that you bothered to knock. No one else did. Given his previous threats of suicide and violent outbursts, he was under near-constant supervision by the staff of the hospital. The only thing separating him from them was a semi-translucent curtain and a wall with a big window running along the length of it. So, it wasn’t a common occurrence for his privacy to be respected.

When his eyes met yours, he couldn’t help but sigh. Why were you back here? Hadn’t he made it clear to you that he didn’t want you or any of the RFA members around the last time you visited? He was prepared to shove you out, to make you never want to come near him again before he noticed you hadn’t entered the room yet. Not only did you knock but you were waiting for an invitation. He couldn’t help but wonder just what was going through your head. Why bother being polite to him? You could come in here and laugh at him as much as you wanted and all he could do is take it. At the very most he might be able to get a couple of swings in before the security guards rushed into the room, but he didn’t want to think about that. The idea of punching you left a bad taste in his mouth that he didn’t bother to further question as to why.

“Come in” 

You hesitated. To be honest you didn’t expect him to actually invite you in. You figured just showing up consistently and being persistent might convince him to toy with the idea of talking to you. After all the same strategy worked for you becoming friends with Saeyoung.  
You cautiously stepped into the room, taking a seat in the chair by his bed.

“Thank you.” You said sheepishly, unsure of how your words might cause him to react.

He just stared at you. His eyes looking into yours, the silence in the room growing increasingly uneasy. You knew people generally didn’t like awkward pauses but maybe leaning into it would get him to talk? A few more moments passed before he finally spoke.

“You can tell _**him**_ to stop sending you. It won’t work.” He huffed, looking away from you.

“Saeran, I didn’t come here because your brother asked me to. I came here because I want to see how you’re doing.” 

“Why?” He asked plainly.

“Because I’m worried about you.”

“Why?” He asked again. If you were going to keep lying to him he wanted to make you dig yourself into a hole until you had to finally admit it.

“Because I care about you.” You stated, confused as to why he was inquiring. You knew he didn’t trust anyone but did the idea of someone being the slightest bit concerned for him seem so ridiculous he couldn’t even fathom it?

He finally looked back to your eyes again.

“Why?”

“I just- I do. I know what you’ve been through and it’s terrible… It makes me want to reach out to you.”

He glared at you. For a fraction of a second, he considered that maybe you were being genuine. Staring into your kind looking eyes made him want to believe it. He wanted so desperately to believe there was someone who could care for the broken person he was. But no matter how much he wanted it he couldn’t bring himself to believe it. He wouldn’t allow himself to be deceived so easily. Fool me once, you know? He’d experienced enough betrayal for a lifetime.

“And how would that benefit you?” 

You blinked, unsure of how to even answer that. It made you feel sad to hear that the idea of someone acting altruistically seemed unimaginable. You took a deep breath, closing your eyes briefly before looking back to him.

“Saeran you can mistrust me as much as you want but I’ll prove to you that I’m not lying. If that means I need to come here every week then that’s what I’ll do. No matter how long it takes I’ll keep coming. I won’t stop until you believe me.” 

For once Saeran was silent not out of annoyance or anger but out of pure shock. He couldn’t wrap his head around what you were saying. What was the point? The world had kicked him down over and over and he honestly couldn’t bother to get back up anymore. What was the point of being tortured further? You had to be tricking him right? It sounded too good to be true, especially for someone like him.

“Do what you want.” He finally muttered. 

You looked determined but he still wouldn’t dare trust you. He was prepared to lay back down and ignore you like before, but then you smiled. A genuine smile. He felt his heart skip a beat looking at you. You were smiling at him. He found himself lost in the feeling of it for a moment before snapping himself out of it. What the hell was that? He wanted to hit himself over the head for letting himself feel like that. You were making him vulnerable and it frustrated him immensely. Why were you making him feel like this? Why were you pretending to care? His head ached as his mind raced in an attempt to figure out what your true motives were. He laid back down in the hospital bed cinching his eyes shut in an effort to help alleviate the pain.

You noticed he looked increasingly frustrated and once he laid down you wondered if that was your cue to go. You were about to ask before he spoke once more.

“Please leave.” He said softly before burying his face in the pillow.

You couldn’t help a small smile from coming to your face. While he was asking for you to leave he was doing so politely. He wasn’t screaming at you or pressing the call button like he usually did.

“Okay, I’ll go now. I hope you feel better soon… And I’ll see you next week!” You said as you stood from your chair and headed for the door.

What is _with_ that girl?


	3. Common Ground

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I gave MC a bit of backstory I hope you guys don't mind. This was how I imagined it from the start for how they would bond. Also, I'm not very experienced with this kind of thing so all kudos, comments, and constructive criticism are greatly appreciated. Thanks!

The sound of footsteps approaching his room gave Saeran warning that you were coming. It had been around a month and a half since your first visit. He still didn’t understand your determination, and he was getting tired of trying to turn you away. At this point, he accepted this annoyance as just another part of his week. He turned to face you once he heard the knock of the back of your hand on the door. 

“Come in.” He sighed.

You made your way into the room and plopped down into the chair you had claimed as yours this past couple of weeks. You said nothing, just watching his face and settling into the silence. Most of the time when you had tried to start a conversation he would either shrug it off or flat out ignore you, so you figured it was best to let him initiate things. You had to be patient. Though it was hard it was important that you let him go at his own pace. You both sat there for a couple of minutes as he waited for you to speak. After a few more minutes of silence, he finally did.

“What?” The silent treatment confused him given that you didn’t seem too shy before.

“Oh, nothing. I’m just here for your routine visit.” You flashed him a smile.

“and what did _he_ tell you to do this time? Ignore me until I come crying back to him just for him to betray me again?” He glared.

You couldn’t help the sigh that escaped your lips. While you were trying to be understanding it was getting a bit frustrating having to insist over and over that you were there on your own accord and not as a part of some plot of Saeyoung’s.

“Saeran, you know that’s not why I’m here.”

“Oh, do I? What I know is that I can’t trust either of you.” He scoffed.

Your patience was starting to wear thin and before you could fully think through what you would say you spoke, “I think you should try to view things from Saeyoung’s perspective. I know there’s a lot of pain when it comes to him but it’s not one-sided. He’s miserable at the thought of what happened to you and- “

He couldn’t believe what he was hearing, nor could he believe the nerve you had. You had more than crossed the line with that comment. Sure, you knew the rough outline of his past but that didn’t give you the right to tell him what to do.

“Pain? And what the FUCK would you know about pain or about anything I’ve been through?” He spat out, standing from his hospital bed. He was trembling, the pent of anger for his brother, his mother, and rika had started to sneak out at the suggestion of playing nice with Saeyoung.

“He left me! He left me with mom when he knew things would get worse! And then I didn’t even have her! I was all alone no family and then…” He clenched his hand into a fist. Thinking about Mint Eye made his head feel like it was going to burst. He was so conflicted ever since you and Saeyoung had infiltrated the cult. When he saw how Rika's sanity crumbled and how his brother defended him he didn't know what to think. Most days he tried to avoid remembering any of it.

You took a few steps back, unsure of what to do or say to calm him down.

“and who even are you to tell me what to do? You’re just some naive airhead I tricked and now you think you have the right to give me orders? You’re nothing! I should have blown that apartment up with both of you inside!” He screamed, his entire body trembling as he continued to approach you, backing you up into a corner.

You were in shock and to be honest absolutely terrified. Your first reaction was to squeeze your eyes shut and brace for impact. Your heart was racing in your chest but all you could do was stand there. Once you finally came to your senses you loosened up a bit, focusing on remaining calm and not letting your voice give away just how scared you really were.

“Saeran, I’m sorry.” You said, opening your eyes once again. He stood about a foot away from you, visibly tense and his eyes full of pent up rage he didn’t know how to channel.

“You’re right… I shouldn’t have intruded in your relationship with your brother. It’s not my place to do so” 

He stared at you, clenching his jaw. He didn’t know what to do. He didn’t want to hurt you and he did appreciate your apology, but you had tapped into the rage within him. He felt slightly embarrassed letting you see him like this. He used to feel like he was strongest when he would scream and lash out but now he just felt vulnerable like a toddler who just threw a tantrum. Saeran felt like a pathetic weakling and it disgusted him. He settled on avoiding eye contact and going back to sit in his bed, not saying a word to you and digging his fingernails into his palm in an attempt to let off some steam. 

You followed suit and made your way back over to your chair. You took a few moments to calm your nerves before speaking again.

“I don’t want to intrude. I get it. You don’t know me, and I shouldn’t presume to know you but when I see how hurt you are I just want to help.” 

He didn’t turn to face you when you spoke. He was too ashamed to do that. Instead, he only responded with a single word, “Why?”

You looked down at your hands and fidgeted with the fabric of your shirt. It was a topic you weren’t really comfortable discussing most of the time, but he had been so vulnerable with you intentionally or not. It was only fair for you to be the same right? Maybe it would help you bond. 

“I know what it’s like to be left behind. I know what it’s like to feel the mix of emotions when it happens. The love you had for the person you knew and the anger and sadness of dealing with how they left you.”

His interest was piqued. He listened to you carefully, still not daring to look at you.

“It sucks. It really fucking sucks. I eventually stopped telling people and decided to keep it to myself. I was sick of being pitied and treated like I was made of glass. Most days I can manage, I can forget about my past, but some days the grief just takes over.” You felt tears swelling up in your eyes, you bit your lip in an attempt to hold it in.

“Who was it?” 

His meek voice caused you to finally look up from your hands. His demeanor was much calmer and you could tell he was listening intently. For a moment you almost forgot what you were talking about as you looked at him. He looked softer in a way, less defensive.

“My dad. He killed himself when I was 13.” And with that, a few tears escaped your eyes and fell down your cheeks.

“Fuck. Fuck I’m sorry. Whenever I talk about this stuff I just start crying and I hate it. I came here to visit you I shouldn’t be making this about me.” You muttered, wiping your eyes onto the sleeve of your shirt.

When you looked back up your eyes were met with the sight of a package of pocket tissues held out to you. You took them from his hand, nodding to him as a thank you.

“Don’t be. I asked.” He said taking a deep breath, before scooting himself over so he was seated right across from you.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have blown up at you.” He sighed. The sight of you crying made him want to wrap his arms around you and hold you tightly. He was always scolded and called a weakling for crying and seeing how embarrassed you were to cry reminded him of that. He didn’t think you were weak or useless for doing so. Would you think the same? He hoped so.

You shook your head. “I overstepped.”

He let out a small exhale through his nose. A slight smirk forming on his lips, “Yeah you did, but I didn’t need to be such an ass about it.” 

You let out a small laugh in return, wiping your eyes with one of the tissues. When you looked back to him his blue eyes were staring into yours. This time they looked so much different than before. You felt like you were seeing who he really was for the first time. The shy but loving boy Saeyoung had described to you. He opened his mouth to speak before the sound of the door opening grabbed both his and your attention. A nurse had leaned into the doorway.

“I’m sorry miss but I’m afraid visiting hours are over. I’ll need you to leave.”

You glanced over to the clock noticing how late it had gotten. “Oh! I’m sorry I didn’t realize.” You picked up your bag and held the pocket tissues back out to Saeran. He waved his hand, refusing them. 

“Keep it.”

“Thanks, Saeran. I’ll see you later.” You smiled, before turning to follow the nurse out. While this visit had been an intense one you were leaving feeling better than ever before. It seemed like you were starting to get through the icy exterior of his. So much so that today you left because of visiting hours and not because he was sick of you.


	4. What You Deserve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Saeyoung asks you to meet him at a cafe to discuss Saeran. Both of you can't help but reminisce about what happened between the two of you.

It had been a while since you’d last seen Saeyoung. He was so busy trying to help Saeran and working alongside Jumin in settling the events of 6 months ago as smoothly as possible. So, when you got a text from him asking if you wanted to meet him at the café near your apartment you were ecstatic. 

As you approached the café you saw the familiar sight of his red hair and gaudy jacket. A mischievous smirk passing over your lips as you saw your opening to surprise him. You slowly crept up behind him, giving him a gentle push on his back. He jumped slightly in his chair and turned to face you, relaxing when he realized it was you. 

“Agh! M/C how could you do this? My gentle heart can’t take it.” He pouted.

You giggled, Saeyoung always managed to put a smile on your face when you were around him, even if he was being his more serious self. If there was anyone in this world who could be considered your best friend it was him. You two had been through a lot together and intense experiences such as cults, bombs, and shitty fathers tend to bring people closer. You missed him these past few months. You missed seeing him smile, you missed hearing his playful voice when he would tease Yoosung, and you even missed seeing his tacky striped glasses stare back at you. 

Admittingly you were very attracted to him, but he had made it clear to you during your time together that he saw you as nothing more than a friend he needed to protect. At first, you were persistent, thinking you just needed to push a bit for him to admit it but eventually you just gave up. You felt like you were being a pest and a bit of a creep for trying to push him so much. How many times did he need to tell you to go away before you finally got it, right? You felt embarrassed looking back at it. You were just thankful that he was still willing to be your friend after that.

“So what did you want to talk about?” You asked as you took your seat across from him at the table. He had gotten a nice outside table under the shade of the awning. It was perfect for a cool and slightly breezy day like today.

“I wanted to talk to you about Saeran since you’ve been visiting him lately.” He said, taking on a slightly more serious tone. The first time he had shown you his more serious side you were surprised, to say the least. He originally had told you that the more serious side of him was the real him and that the jokester you befriended before was a false persona, but it seemed like he had accepted both parts of himself and knew when to joke around and when to be serious. It made you feel really happy to see that given how much he had been through recently.

“How has he been? With you I mean. Ya’ know I visit him pretty often but there’s a lot of tension there. I was just wondering how he’s been with other people.” 

“Oh! Yeah, I get it. Um, he’s been a bit standoffish and has had a couple of outbursts but for the most part, it’s been fine. He’s not exactly forthcoming about what he’s feeling and everything, but he hasn’t been too outwardly hostile.” 

Saeyoung nodded, he was relieved to hear that nothing too extreme had happened. He was visiting his brother at least once a week. Which was pulling back considering he wanted to be with him every second of the day after what they’d been through. Being separated from the only family they’d really known for the past 6 years had taken a toll on both of them. It made Saeyoung want to cling to Saeran and promise him he won’t ever let go and it made Saeran want to hurt his brother in the same way he felt hurt.

“M/C… I hope you don’t mind me asking but why _are_ you visiting him?”

You paused for a moment; it was kind of hard to put what you were feeling into words. After thinking it over for a couple of minutes you finally spoke, “I guess I can sympathize with everything he’s gone through. I just figured he’d be lonely… I’m just kind of drawn to him in a way.”

You looked into Saeyoung’s eyes, a bit embarrassed at that confession, but instead of him looking confused or weirded out you were met with a smile. He felt his heart swell listening to you. Just how could you be so perfect? He was ecstatic to hear that you truly cared about him and he was sure that once he was fully recovered Saeran would appreciate it too.

“Wow! I knew you were nice, but I didn’t realize God had sent us an actual angel!” He rested his face in his hands, beaming at you.

You laughed, a tinge of pink spreading across your cheeks.

“For real though, M/C. It makes me happy to hear that there’s another person who really cares for Saeran and wants to help him. I’m glad he has you to keep him company.”

“It’s no big deal. I know I wouldn’t want to be alone all the time if I were him.”

You noticed a tinge of sadness in his eyes as you spoke, shit you didn’t go too far right? The topic of leaving Saeran alone was a sore subject. You could tell the weight of the guilt he felt for having to leave his brother was crushing him and it made you want to cry every time it started to slip through his carefully put together demeanor.

“Ah! I didn’t mean it like that! I know you’re visiting him so he wouldn’t be alone but-“ You stammered, trying to backpedal as quickly as you could.

He brushed it off, waving his hand, “No worries, cutie. I know what you mean and I’m thankful we have someone so caring around.”

You let out a shy smile, rubbing the back of your neck a bit. You both sat there for the next half hour or so, getting your drinks and having idle chit chat as you enjoyed the scenery of the café together. Eventually, notifications started pouring in on his phone, he frowned slightly as he pulled it out of his pocket to see what was so urgent.

“Have they been surviving without you?” You teased, smirking slightly. He let out a small exhale through his nose as he tucked his phone back into his pocket.

“Barely. I should probably get going before they succumb to the despair of not having me around.”

“Boo.” You pouted, pursing your lips.

He laughed, shrugging his shoulders with a mock sad expression. “I know! I wanted to stay here and get my money’s worth of free refills!”

You stood from the table and grabbed your things to leave before pausing to look at him, “But Saeyoung…?” 

“Yeah?”

“Let’s do this more often.” You said a bit shyly. Honestly, you were glad he initiated this meeting; you didn’t want him to feel like you were trying to push him into going on a date with you or something and you could only pray he wouldn’t mind hanging out with you more often. 

“Of course! Next time you can choose where we go!” 

As you both walked away Saeyoung couldn’t help but turn to stare at you. Everything about you was so perfect. With every smile you graced him with he felt his heart flutter. But it was too late. He could tell you had lost interest and it was his fault. He was the one that pushed you away in an effort to protect you and eventually you had given up. The look on your face after he rejected your final advance made him feel like he was being torn apart inside. He wanted nothing more than to scoop you up and cover you in kisses, telling you how much he loved you and to plan your wedding at the space station together. But he could only have that in his dreams. A scummy hacker who abandoned his family doesn’t deserve you. You deserve someone who won’t put you in danger, someone who can return your affection and never make you cry. You deserve nothing but happiness.


End file.
